Living Separately Under One Roof during divorce

In many states, your date of separation has legal implications. If you and your spouse are still living in the same house for economic or family reasons, proving that you are really separated can be tricky. Here is a checklist of what you should do if you and he are still living together but separate.

• Establish and maintain intent to separate permanently or indefinitely.
• Use separate bedrooms.
• Do not engage in romantic or sexual intimacy.
• Stop wearing wedding rings.
• Don’t shop for your spouse’s food, prepare his meals, or shop for his clothing and other necessities.
• Don’t let your spouse shop for you, and don’t use his food or other purchases.
• Do not eat meals together, except for special occasions such as holidays or children’s birthdays.
• Make each spouse responsible for caring for their own space within the home, such as a bedroom.
• Make each spouse responsible for doing their own laundry.
• Use a separate and secure computer.
• Use a separate and secure telephone/cell phone for personal and business calls.
• Establish separate checking accounts.
• Cease socializing together, e.g., do not attend parties, movies, theater, etc. together.
• Do not attend church together.
• Where there are minor children, interact with parents only where strictly necessary from the children’s perspective and their well-being, e.g., meeting with school officials. If you both attend your child’s game, don’t sit together.
• Don’t give gifts to your spouse for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.
• Let close associates and relatives know that you are not living as man and wife, but are separated within the residence.
• Have a third party come to the home from time to time to personally observe the two spouses’ separate and distinct living quarters (bedrooms, bathrooms, etc.).
• Utilize separate entrances to residence if feasible.
• Be prepared to explain why you are living separately under the same roof, e.g., financial considerations; unavailability of separate residence; easing children’s transition to parental separation, etc.

This article is reprinted with permission from the Women's Institute for Financial Education (WIFE.org), creator of the Second Saturday Divorce Workshops. Founded in 1988, WIFE is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing financial education for women. Copyright 2019